I feel bothered tonight - much as I have been feeling, on and off for the past two months, since Becca announced her intention to leave me and process for a divorce, but other than the constant sense of emotional turmoil caused by her rejection, and the question of how our relationship came to this place of devastation what's been eating away at me today, is the daunting realization of just how many tasks that I need to complete before we separate.
Since changing my career path to engage in an electrical apprenticeship, my weekly paycheck looks lower than I have seen it look in perhaps fifteen years. I have been willing to take a massive pay cut (around fifty percent) in order to learn a trade that I believe is going to provide me with phenomenal scope for career growth and earnings in the future. I feel convinced that the next decade is going to show tremendous growth in the electrical industry. Every time I see a commercial for the new Nissan Leaf, I get excited, because I imagine a Renaissance in the way that engineers and world leaders are thinking about the use of electricity, and I see myself as a little cog within the big wheels of the machinery of change, change that is truly beneficial, change that brings hope.
But on eleven Dollars an hour, can I afford to make it through the five years of apprenticeship school, whilst paying child support to Becca and living on my own? I am anxious about my prospects. I am anxious to be able to support my son and to succeed on a career path that will offer him a better future than the present that I am living in, so I find myself entreating God daily, begging Him for wisdom so that I may make the best choices as I navigate my way through this incredibly difficult time. And so I pray, and I write and I find, as I do these things, that I have hope.
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